What About That?

What About That?

"We walked along the beach
What a moon-lit night.
He held my hand in his;
He kissed me and then he said,
"I wanna spend my life with you.
I want you for my wife".
But just then I thought

What about the times you lied to me?
What about the times you said no one would want me?
What about all the s**t you've done to me?
What about that? What about that?
What about the times you yelled at me?
What about the times I cried?
You wouldn't even hold me.
What about those things?
What about that? What about that?

What about the times you hit my face?
What about the times you kept on when I said, "No more please"?
What about those things?
What about that? What about that?
What about the times you shamed of me?
What about the times you said you didn't f**k her, she only gave you head?
What about that? What about that?"

When Brian and Jameka began dating, her friends were envious. Brian was smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking.

For the first couple of months, Jameka seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day.

Jameka's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like taking dance classes and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Brian, she denied that anything was wrong.

Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities — and many turn abusive.

People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.

What is Abuse?

Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Hitting, slapping, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur both friendships and romances.

Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too.

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want.

The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person.

Signs of Abusive Relationships

Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:

• harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
• tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
• frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
• coerces or threatens to harm you, or self-harm, if you leave the relationship
• twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
• demands to know where you are at all times
• constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends

Unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are also red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Signs That a Friend Is Being Abused

In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs a friend might be being abused by a partner:

• unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
• excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
• secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
• avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense

A friend who is being abused needs your love and support. An open heart and open ears is the most important thing to have. Be understanding and listen to what they are saying without judging them. Have some belief in their story and try to find a way to help them get out of the situation. Most people who are being abused feel as if it's their fault --- that they "asked for it" or that they don't deserve any better. But abuse is never deserved. Help your friend understand that it is not his or her fault. Your friend is not a bad person. The person who is being abusive has a serious problem and needs professional help.

If you want to help yourself get out of an abusive relationship, you can do the following:

• If you've been abused, don't wait to get medical attention or call the police. ABUSE IS ILLEGAL and that person will be prosecuted.
• A restraining order is always great to get. Take advantage of it.
• If you have friends, turn to them. Don't ever feel like you have no one to turn to. If they are understanding and will listen, by all means, take it. They should encourage you.
• Getting help is not a sign of weakness. You can't get out of this situation alone. Doing this show courage and bravery.
• Their are guiders and counselors out there to help you cope with this.
• Most of all, you can get involved with an advocate program that helps prevent dating abuse. Be an activist!

If you love yourself, then you would do it. If you're in one now, it's never too late. Get out as fast as possible.